As of late I've descided to trade in my views of sex as a holy act that should be preserved for the rite of marriage, for a view that involves much permiscuity, random making out, and the all inclusive chance of waking up with my underpants 30 meters away and not knowing how they got there and why they arent on me. I've descided that abstinence is stupid. And now I have a valid  reason to think so: Now not only does abstinence mean you dont get laid, but you're still suseptable to dangerous STDs. So remind me, what are the positive aspects of abstinence?

The trend in modern sexually-repressed conservative America these days, is to brainwash teenagers into proudly pledging abstinence, vowing to preserve their precious virginity for that special day where they’ll tie the knot… or get invited by the priest to join one of his exclusive, altar-boys-only, mass after-party…

In effect, promising to keep doing what they’d be doing anyway. That is: not getting any, for the entire duration of their ungrateful puberty phase.

After all, they are only following official government policy regarding “abstinence as the only viable way to prevent STDs“.

Well the bad news for the proud virgins is that, on top of not getting laid, they do catch sexually-transmitted diseases, as shown by a recent study of the sex lives of 12,000 US adolescents .

How can you catch an STD while — allegedly — not having sex?

Well, that’s the miracle of statistics (and hypocritical bigotry):

The data was gathered from young people aged 12 to 18 who were questioned again six years later.

According to the study, the STD rates were:

Whites who pledged virginity 2.8% - did not 3.5%

Blacks: pledgers 18.1% - non-pledgers 20.3%

Asians: pledgers 10.5% - non-pledgers 5.6%

Hispanics: pledgers 6.7% - non-pledgers 8.6%

The study’s authors say that from a statistical point of view, the rates are the same for both groups.

Source: BBC News, World Edition

The explanation for these numbers does not take a genius or a statistician to figure out:

A good number of those teenager who had hastily claimed they’d never consider doing such icky sticky things, must have quickly changed their mind, once the acne wore out and they found out they actually could get a date… And when it got there, I guess it was too late to consider trading Sunday School for Sex-Ed…

Hence proving once more what most experts have been saying all along: shunning sex-ed in favor of abstinence campaigns is not only gonna produce more morbidly stuck-up conservative morons, it will also help spreading AIDS and other STDs.